With the start of college...comes an array of various reading assignments...mainly out of textbooks. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but there isn't much in this world that I despise more than reading a textbook. In fact, here is a small list of things that I would rather do:



*shave my entire body with a cactus

*be slowly lowered into a tank of piranha

*watch the "Real World" (if you know me, that's fucking saying something)

*give myself a 6 inch papercut

*eat an entire jar of mayonaise...at once

*slit my wrists and seal the wounds with iodine



Am I exaggerating? Perhaps a little...but damn...I just really do not enjoy your typical college textbook. In my opinion as a college student...I am paying (well, my parents are paying) to go to class and to be taught. If i wanted to learn from a textbook...I could just go out and buy that shit on my own and never go to a single class. The professors are being paid so they can teach us...not so they can let a book do their job for them. Imagine if people in other professions could get away with that...Like if an auto mechanic said "Well..I could fix your car for you...but here's a book...you'll find everything you need in here." Or if your house is on fire and the firefighters show up and say "I'm kinda busy...this book will tell you everything you need to know about dousing flames." I mean come on...if everyone else has to do their jobs...professors should stop making us invest everything we own in textbooks that we will sell back the very next year at a quarter of the price that we paid for them.



The reason I'm even bringing any of this up is because...like I said earlier...college started last week. I have a great deal of textbook reading...and quite frankly...I don't want to read that shit. Anyone want to read for me? The rewards will be outstanding.

i have an idea.
why don't you jump into a tank full of iodine and pirhanas with a cactus, which you can use to shave off shards of glass from a mayonaisse jar and use the shards to cut six inch slits in your wrists. i'll top it off by throwing a small television (displaying the real world) into the tank, which will hopefully explode, and electrify the water. in fact, i double dog dare you to do it.

*eggs on for several hours*

how's that for making egg?

cheers,
sank
» thaitanic on 2006-09-03 12:10:27

Just maybe...
But if you just buy textbooks and not go to college, you won't be able to get degrees unless you take online classes, which is entirely reading stuff.

The piranha thing sounds kind of fun. But hey, that's just me.
» thisdisease on 2006-09-03 12:14:07

To your list of 'I would rathers...':
Owch, Yowwy!, not so sure cuz I forgot what Real World is like, Tummyache!, and Don't die!

The textbook is your real teacher no matter what. The professor is there to answer your questions. Like "Can YOU read this for me?", "How come I didn't pass?", "I get full score for not doing anything?!"
» Silver-dot- on 2006-09-03 08:52:38

lol
Just kill the teacher. Bwahaha
» frostbitten on 2006-09-03 10:33:19

The majority of my books are god-awful. Some try to lighten the monotony with a nerd-joke here or there, but most of the time the books are convoluted, and no amount of reading will help you to understand what the hell the assignment is asking for. I've had to retake a few classes because the book was so damn awful, thank heavens that this time around, the book is awesome. Granted, it was an extra $130 on top of $80 for the crappy "custom for school" book, I can read it and understand exactly what the heck is going on.
» ikimashokie on 2006-09-03 11:44:28

That was one of the funniest entries I've read in a long time.
» Dilated on 2006-09-03 11:28:45

Perhaps...
I'll read them for you. But I'd like a pink elephant as a reward.
» little-b on 2006-09-04 12:05:47

Name.

URL.

[to enter your email, use "mailto:youremail@domain.com"]
Subject.

Comment.

Word verification.

Copy the first 4 characters only.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.